we have officially lost it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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