dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
