I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize