Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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