guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
