Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
