Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize