i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
