Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize