look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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