I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
