it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
