Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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