News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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