he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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