ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
