she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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