I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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