The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
