I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize