this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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