Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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