You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
