He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
