No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
