Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
