Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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