I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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