i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
