Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
