maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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