THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
