Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
