people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
