He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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