my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
