i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
