remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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