i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
