wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
