I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
