Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
