I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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