I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We named our party play list daddy issues
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
