I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
