Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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