I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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