The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
