so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize