How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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