the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
