He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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