Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
