I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
