Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
