sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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