nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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