My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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