apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
