Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize