My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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