It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
