apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
