If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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