i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
