obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
