If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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