i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
