So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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