And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
