this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
