If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
