I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
