I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
