hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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