you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
