I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
