I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
where are my eyebrows?
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