When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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