First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
