It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
