Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
