I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize